I was a public Scientologist from 1995 until 2005, when I finally got beaten down enough to join the Sea Organization at FLAG. I was auditing on OT VII at the time. I realize now that it was the best thing I could have done, because what I saw there caused me to leave. I'll never again have to spend my money on bogus courses, like auditing or "helping clear the planet". As horrifying as my experience was, it did wake me up! And life goes on.

I'll start by just listing a few of the many outpoints I saw (I made my decision to leave based on WHAT I ACTUALLY SAW THERE, not the internet or anything else. As a "good Scientologist", I didn't pay any attention to "entheta". My purpose here is to share with others my own experiences, so that they don't need to spend over a million dollars, and join the SO, just to learn what I now know.)

1. The "tech" isn't applied to the staff at all. Examples of this — if PTSness causes all illnesses, and the tech exists to handle this, why do the staff get sick? And, why do they immediately get put into isolation if they get sick?

   If auditing really works, and "OTs" are more powerful, why doesn't the staff get auditing? I was on OT VII, but sleep deprivation, lack of vitamins, low-protein diet, and lack of suitable available auditing rooms cut WAY down on my sessions. Eventually, I just gave up (and I was only there for 3 months!).

   I was posted in the Solo NOTS HGC, as a Director of Processing. I immediately became concerned at seeing how many people who were "on OT VII" were not auditing (over 1/3). The other [Directors of Processing] were not, except for one, who was allowed special hours and could drive her car to work. She occasionally got a session. The others didn't audit. The C/Ses didn't audit. The staff was not allowed to do six month checks. I thought, but if LRH says you have to be sessionable and get 8 hours sleep and eat protein and take certain vitamins and get your six month check, WHY isn't "standard tech" being followed?? The recruiters had told me that I would get all of the above-8 hours sleep, good food, vitamins provided, a room to audit in, etc. This was ALL LIES.

   The Solo I/C finished OT VII, but hadn't gone to do OT VIII for months after. Why? If "going OT" is so desirable and important? Again, I was told that when I finished, I would be on the ship within 2 days to do OT VIII. Another lie.

2. The main method used to control the staff in the FSO is intimidation, threats, and invalidation.

   I expected a very calm, sane environment there, where everyone was "OT" and helped each other and things got done. Guess again!! Not only does no one teach you how to do your post, they HINDER you — a good example of this is the fact that I was there for 2 months and STILL had no computer log in. I was supposed to be a [Director of Processing], and contact "my" public, but I had no log-in. No matter how many reports I wrote, it didn't happen. At first, I thought it was just incompetence. But, it isn't. It's INTENTIONAL.

   I was told that my husband and I would always have the same schedule, that we could eat together, and have the same days off. Another lie. We had ONE day off together in the 3 months we were there.

   The screaming, foul language, and invalidation, caused a general unease in the area that was so thick you could cut it with a knife. People in the SO have very low morale. They can't trust each other. They won't help each other. Once the Board I/C, Geary Titus, actually STOMPED on my feet when I was new, and trying to look at the availability of auditing rooms for my public to use. I was always being told "there aren't any rooms". Anything that can be done to impede your progress IS DONE.

   This, then, caused me to question "What's really going on here?" Obviously, doing my job as a [Director of Processing] isn't what's really supposed to happen. Otherwise, the "admin tech" would be applied, and the organization would be efficient, right?

   Who's doing this screaming? The CO, the DCO, RTC, the senior D of P, the Solo I/C, and on ad infinitum. It appeared that the only way to get "to the top" would be to act like that. I saw right away that this wasn't for me.

3. I was told too many lies.
4. I saw that the public were ridiculed, to some extent. Their [auditing] sessions were videotaped, their overts and withholds publicly discussed in the HGC. This is contrary to the "priest/penitent confidentiality" that is supposedly there.
5. "Valuable" staff members, such as auditors, were treated like dirt.

   There actually is a part of staff meeting where staff members can be held up to ridicule for any reason — the "It's got nothing to do with me" club. When I first saw this, I was astounded. A staff member that I knew well was put into this "downstat club". He was forced to stay an extra 2 hours after his usual day (so he could only get about 4 hours sleep, at best), to do "MEST work". I thought, why didn't they just apply the conditions?

6. The C/Ses only got about 4 hours of sleep, and sometimes were forced to stay up all night. These are the people who are "programming your case"!! They don't audit. They don't get refreshers. They aren't allowed to drive their cars, because one had a wreck when he was too tired to be driving.
7. The buses are overloaded and the drivers are sleep-deprived. The law is violated multiple times daily, as the capacity of the buses is written on a plaque in the front of the bus. The buses run late, and there are not enough, but if you are late for your "post", boy, are you in trouble!
8. There are at least 3 people watching each staff member work — security guards, ethics officers, "inspections" officers, CMO, etc. If each staff member actually did something besides spy on other staff members, there might actually be production going on!

This is just the beginning — these are only a few of the outpoints I saw. And I have many many examples of each, that I saw with my own eyes.

There is an evil pall over the Hacienda. No one smiles. No one uses the pool or fitness center. They have no time. They have no energy. They are being kept in and spied on and prevented from leaving. Sure, you can have a car. But, did anyone tell you that you have to do CAR SCHOOL in order to drive it? And have a signed "CSW"? More about that later!