"Those are her lips? I thought she was eating raw liver!"
-Dennis Erlich
Last update: 22 April 1999
LATEST NEWS: More signs that Helena is being
deprived of sleep by her Scientology bosses.
Helena Kobrin
(hkk@netcom.com) is a lawyer representing the Religious
Technology Center, a branch of the Scientology
empire. In her job as an indefatigable defender of the "Bridge to
Total Freedom", she has touched
the lives of many Internet users and become something of a cult figure (ha
ha) in alt.religion.scientology
and alt.usenet.kooks. In the
service of Scientology, she has sent repeated e-mails threatening dozens
of
netizens with legal action (here's just one
example), attempted to eradicate
alt.religion.scientology
and even threatened legal action against the whole
newsgroup!
This page is a tribute to the many welcome (cough) contributions
that 
has made to open communication on the 'net
and to the upholding of ethics (cough) in the legal profession. It
was created in response to a threat of legal action from against
the author, Martin Poulter, and
his university. For more background, see Alison
Frankel's excellent American Lawyer article from 1996 which
cites this page!
personally, tells me
that he is disgusted by the "indecent" material on this page.
Unfortunately, Scientology has not yet achieved its aim of taking over the
world, so this is still a free country and satire of public figures is
still protected. Sorry, Greg.
gives Dennis Erlich
the Scientology "death stare".
tells a few little
white lies.
is deprived of
sleep.
Helena goes beserk
during a
deposition, assaulting an opponent and tearing up evidence!
is deprived of
sleep again (we think).
's activities often backfire in a
disastrous
way. By threatening one netizen with legal action, she proved the authenticity of the OT documents,
refuting her own side's claim that the documents on the Internet are not
the real thing. By taking legal action against Zenon Panoussis in
Sweden, she forced the disputed documents into the
court record, and hence the public domain, for eternity.
is told where to get off by Grady
Ward, henry, Farrell
Griffith, Kevan Smith and The Grand Clavister.
admits she doesn't
know who J.R. "Bob" Dobbs is!
foolishly dares to
confront "Jesse Garon" ...twice!
gets cloned by The
Usenet Oracle, B. Weiner, Keith Spurgeon and Troutman.
earns a dubious
compliment from Lewiz De Payne.
The most remarkable rebuttal that has
received came from another member of her profession, Norwegian lawyer Knut
Vigeland. You'll be speechless!
Netizens continue to treat
's threats with the contempt they deserve,
notably Ex Mudder and the greek journalist Tony Bosnakoudis.
is
interviewed by the BBC.
writes to The
American Lawyer denying that Scientology exhibits paranoia
writes to the St.
Petersburg Times in disgust at an anti-Scientology article.
makes dubious use
of a Netcom account.
misleads netizens
about the origin of the NOTS documents.
raids an
american citizen's house.
wins Kook of
the
Month for August 1995, joining the celebrated ranks of
'net kooks.
is fined for
bringing a frivolous lawsuit.
sings her little heart out:
threatens a
lawsuit over "Modern Legal Criminal".
almost has a very
merry Christmas.
talks jive.
audits
a tomato and then breathes fire
gets her own Internet
fan club
gets
anagrammed.
gets her own
television series.
has, in several cases, tried to
persuade the owners of internet services, remailers or mail-to-news
gateways to block particular messages or particular people.
This is analogous to someone who objects to your mail asking
the postal service to censor it. Homer Smith, Joe Zippo and Jeff Burchell of the Huge
Cajones remailer have each made their responses public.
dares to take
on
the amazing Grady Ward yet again.
asks a Scientology
opponent about clams.
is dismissed from
the California Bar. Okay, she hasn't been yet, but if you have
received threatening mail from her, you can use this form to lodge a
complaint. Specific things you can complain about include the use of
unsigned e-mail instead of proper forms of legal service, the distortion
and misrepresentation of important facts, such as the results of previous
court cases, and the obviously unreasonable demands she makes (such as
that people remove Usenet postings "from the Internet").
Alt.religion.scientology participant
John M. Esparolini claims in a post made on January 31, 1998 that
Helena has been disciplined by the California State Bar Association. If
she is disciplined three times, then she can be disbarred.
Despite Helena's and her organisation's various attacks on others'
rights, we on the net have no intention of interfering with their
free speech. Here's an
article by for a Scientology propaganda
organ.
If you enjoy this page, tell Helena. Better still, think about the people for whom this is a lot more than a joke: the people who are facing frivolous lawsuits from Helena and the other Scientology lawyers. Several of them are in real need of funds or legal assistance: see the Litigation FAQ for more details.
If you've enjoyed this page and you want more Helena satire and facts, take a look at the Heleva Kobra page.
The
mockery that has made of
herself serves as a warning of the absurdity of handing over your life and
your decisions to Scientology, or to any cult belief system.
Full Name: Helena Kempner Kobrin
Born: 27 April 1948
B.A., Hofstra University
J.D., Seton Hall University
One of 's classmates from
that time at Seton Hall
has exposed the fact that was once a
"copyright terrorist" herself.
"It's the Mo' & 'Ho Show! Two Crazy Lawyers! One Crazy Client!"- Feadog (feadog@snip.net)Husband: Michael D. Kobrin, born 4 May 1947. (More on Michael Kobrin here.)
An anonymous investigator has dug up a wealth of information about the background of the Kobrins and the Moxons, which, if it can be relied upon, reveals financial trouble and shady business dealing. Take a look at the Kobrin/Moxon file.
Finally, a useful tip. If you are in the business of annoying powerful litigous organisations, try this simple tactic: refer to your genitals as "my client". I know it sounds a weird suggestion, but you'll find that the whole legal profession becomes hysterically funny, and when you get that threatening letter or e-mail saying, "You have outraged my client. My client demands relief," you will be too busy laughing to cower in fear the way they want you to.
This page was created by Martin
Poulter and is currently hosted by Mike Gormez - feel free to mail your comments.
LYNX USERS: Download
the pictures of Helena from this page
by clicking here and here.
Thanks to Waa for
the cartoon and Arnie for the video
still.