Copyright 1996 Shelley Thomson; all rights reserved.
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Table of Contents for Biased Journalism.
Read at your own risk. This is Biased Journalism!
"The world changes on May 18 Forever
Find out at the shrine"
--church promotional flyer
Why was the May 9th event delayed until May 18th. Another Hill 10, perhaps?
Is it because the OT III got out of the bag, courtesy of Warren McShame?
Is it because a version of NOTs was spammed?
Or is there a really a dazzling spectacular new technical breakthrough?
Here are a few suggestions:
1. NOTs re-write or re-vamp
[Ed.: In view of the publication of NOTS on the net, now would be a propitious time to announce a New Streamlined Bridge. Here is Mayo's vision.]
It's been done twice before but hey, maybe the third time will be lucky!
The first time was in mid 1983. That was the solution to the fact that Mayo had left, been declared a Special Person and a new PR line was needed to overcome the common knowledge that Mayo had co-authored NOTs. A two pronged (fork-tongued) approach was needed.
The PR Line
While simultaneously denying that anyone else had ever developed or written any of the "tech" and that Hubbard was Sole Source, customers of the Church of Scientology (tm) were told that NOTs had been rewritten with all the Mayo tech taken out and the Hubbard tech put back in. An anonymous mailing was received by parishioners of the Church of the New Civilization stating that if they went back to the CofS they could get the real thing instead of the Mayo version.
What was actually done
NOTs Series 53 was a description of procedural errors that were being made on NOTs at the Flag Land Base under Ray Mithoff, Senior CS FLB. It had been written by David Mayo, then Senior CS International. Since Ray was responsible for technical quality as the "senior technical terminal" at Flag, its existence was no small embarrassment to him. He canceled NOTs Series 53 replacing it in the NOTs pack with a bulletin that he wrote in about mid 1983, stating that Series 53 had been "written by another".
Only one of the NOTs series had been canceled.
The second re-write
This was more extensive.
"On the 5th of May 1991 held in the Crystal Ballroom of Flag, "Inspector General for Tech, Captain Ray Mithoff announced the release of the beautifully repackaged, greatly expanded materials of the NED for OTs levels!" In issue 75 of Source Magazine it was reported that "International Management" for several years had been doing a mammoth project of verifying all LRH materials and books against the original works of Hubbard.
A team of people had spent "many thousands of hours combing ALL of the original LRH NED for OTs writings, tapes and researches."
Ray Mithoff: "We were going through these materials and comparing them to the original data and we were stunned. We found quite a bit of data that LRH instructed to be part of the AUDITED NOTs(tm) lineup."
The third time?
Perhaps, this May 9th event (being held on May 18th) will reveal EVEN MORE of the NOTs technology?! Could it be possible that even more can be found? In the May 9th event of 1991 it was announced that every scrap of tech on NOTs had been dug up and added to NOTs and SOLO NOTS services.
You don't think the same project could be done over again do you? It is comforting to know that they went to all the trouble to get all the original writings, tapes and researches found. Surely they are all nice and secure in the vaults of CO$T now.
But even for someone as redundant and pedantic as Ray Mithoff, I think that a re-run of the 1991 event might be a bit much.
The New Bridge
I think their new Streamlined Bridge will consist of:
Grades 0 - 4
New New NOTs
and so on
In an unprecedentedly bold move, Miscavige announces that NOTs can now be run on raw meat. Well, almost, in order to keep sales of books up and royalties coming in to the owners of ASI, it turns out that after dianetic auditing is complete, NOTs for raw meat is the next step. It would get past the fact that OT III is out of the bag. They could laugh and say, don't believe those SPs, we don't do that anymore (never did really) we just run their engrams and then it's on to NOTs.
[This is Editor's Choice for the announcement. We recently saw a preview of the new John Travolta film, "Phenomenon." Travolta sees a UFO and suddenly acquires the ability to read and understand college textbooks, learn foreign languages in minutes, see auras, and move objects with his mind! We're talking serious cause over mest, here. Biased Journalism predicts that "Phenomenon" will be mentioned as a triumph for the church.]
(Applause. Excited hush)
"It has come to my attention that incidents and material previously described as valid tech were written by another, unbeknownst to me, and these are and have been canceled forthwith. As always I have gone to great pains to root out all traces of that material and the calculatedly suppressive twists that had been introduced into what was once a clear vector. The canceled materials were known as the clearing implants, the II implants and, hold your hat, the III materials. Anyone who thinks that these materials came from me or were ever any part of the bridge has got to be kidding! Cherubs and snaps were never any part of standard tech. There is only one standard tech and that is standard tech. It's that simple.
A Special Person, the darling of the psyches, long since removed had put a ridge on the bridge (mumbles, didn't we use that line in the last...)
(sounds of mic. clicking off, then on)
A Special Person long since removed put the bridge on a ridge and I have now correctly renamed it The Bridge to Nowhere. A New Streamlined chart of grays has been issued and is the only valid version of Standard Tech.
While doing upper upper research in the refined stratosphere of inner space at about the level of OT 32 and above, I discovered the basic basic of all basics. This is the Jim Dandy of all incidents. It contains the counter-postulate to all postulates. Laid in by the Super Psyches in an incident so far away and so long ago that it happened in a strange gray twilight zone of timelessness and spacelessness just before the big bang. Little do they know, physicists, cousins of the psyches, I always said. Little did I know how right I was. This incident was so occluded that it didn't exist in a universe of non-existences, OFF the time track. At least, it was off any time track that we have ever previously known before. By a miracle of luck and genius I managed to predate the beginning of time and space. It was not until then that the picture turned on. It turns out that 'Time is the basic source of all aberration.' is truer than we ever thought it ever was. You see, it turns out that time actually began before space. Time is a cockamamy postulate invented by the psyches! We've got them whipped now though. It's all in the bag now. Let the tigers snarl and rage. Nuts were always for squirrels. We've something better. And it's going to blow your cotton pickin' sox off.
Good Hunting. I will see you on the other side of the rainbow,
(Chords of clear soundin' of music from the time before time rise to a crescendo, followed by a moment of pure silence, the silence of a raw cold vaccuum. The curtain goes up. The crowd strains to see the Diminutive Midget, with his old buddies Starchy and Ran Mitout bolstering him up. The presentation begins.)
After a pilot version of this new rundown was thoroughly tested on cows in UK, it has been determined that instead of running the old Inc II and Inc I from old OT III, the newly discovered more basic Incident III will be run. Incident III laid in by the eViL psYchEs, eons ago in a galaxy far away, is more basic than and undercuts all incidents previously found on the CC, OT II and OT III materials. You heard Ron, he never invented those fake incidents and all reference to them have been canceled. All red vols. Green vols., T.D.s and books have been canceled and replaced and all members in good standing will purchase the new volumes. Well yes, you guessed it folks, the reason the show was late this year was we had to rush the books through the printers to have them here tonight..."
In celebration of all the above a new General Amnesty is hereby declared and announced. All you gotta do is contact your "nearest ethics terminal" and work up through the Steps A - E, the Ethics Conditions and any other requirements (like betraying and turning in your buddies) and you, too, can be accepted back into the loving hands of the Church of Scientology(tm) again.
----------Will anything of importance happen on May 18? Perhaps not, but in case it does we have done our duty by putting these predictions on record. Stay tuned for further developments.